With the (rapid) increase in the number of (vehicles) on the road together with hush and rush lifestyles of drivers today, traffic (accidents) seem to be escalating in our society. Age of drivers contribute partly to number of traffic accidents but surely not as the main factor. Those who agree with the (statement) would view young drivers (assuming) under 18 years old and older drivers to be reckless and therefore would be more prone to traffic accidents on the road. Lack of experience, forgetfulness, carelessness and poor fitness condition may be reasons for limiting age of drivers. On the other hand, I would think that age is only a small (determinant) and we need to look at more effective measure such as reducing number of vehicles on the road through car pool, implementing more stringent regulations on alcohol drink driving and (possibly) to revise on the standard of driving test for young and old drivers on the road. Many drivers who are stuck in traffic jams also have busy lifestyles and (therefore) tend to become very stressed or distracted on the road. Thus I would think the government may have to look ways to improve road infrastructure and traffic jams to deter or reduce accidents on the road. To sum up, age is only one of the many (contributors) for accidents but I do not agree that by lowering age for the elderly and raising age limit for the younger drivers is the best method. As mentioned in my third paragraph, we need to look at other more effective measures which deal with the (underlying) problems in the society which lead to traffic accidents. This essay needs some work. You should present two sides of the argument, for example “those in favor of X, say …” – ” those against Y point out that …” and leave your own opinion for the conclusion paragraph. Stating your opinion all over the essay is harming its structure. See comments [underlined in blue]for more suggestions for improvement. Overall, looks like a Band 6.5 essay.
